20 YEARS OF HEADLINES

20 YEARS OF HEADLINES

Mostly true news stories from the last two decades:

Mostly true news stories from the last two decades:

1998:

Betti Fujikado and Jim Copacino launch Copacino+Fujikado. Critics hail it as “The Titanic of Advertising.” (We think they meant the film, not the ship.)

1999:

Y2K prompts a needless worldwide freak-out. (Sadly, Resident Evil 3 was still available online on January 1, 2000.)

2000:

Internet stock boom fizzles. Thousands of investors trade in their Mercedes-Benzes for city buses.

2001:

Mexican drug lord “El Chapo” escapes from prison near Guadalajara by bribing guards and hiding in a laundry cart. He was captured days later, spinning helplessly in a coin-operated dryer.

2002:

Jennifer Lopez and Ben Affleck pledge undying love for one another. In Hollywood years, that was exactly 18 months.

2003:

U.S. Department of Homeland Security officially begins operations. Fifteen years later, people still think they can pack shampoo in their carry-on luggage.

2004:

CBS reports systematic torture of Iraqi prisoners in Abu Ghraib prison—including incessant exposure to Mariah Carey’s “All I Want for Christmas Is You.”

2005:

Cardinal Joseph Ratzinger is elected pope, taking the name Benedict XVI—though his first choice was Pope Joe the First.

2006:

Referees defeat Seahawks in Seattle’s first-ever Super Bowl appearance.

2007:

Apple introduces the iPhone, effectively ending family dinner conversations the world over.

2008:

Barack Obama defeats John McCain in presidential election, successfully launching Sarah Palin’s cable news career.

2009:

Sully Sullenberger safely lands US Airways Flight 1549 in the Hudson River minutes after takeoff. Frequent flyers complained they were only credited two air miles for the flight.

2010:

The world witnesses the spectacular eruption of the Eyjafjallajökull volcano in Iceland—though not a single TV news commentator attempts to pronounce “Eyjafjallajökull.”

2011:

Richard Branson introduces the first commercial spaceport in the United States. Travelers to Mars will be allowed one free checked bag and can purchase an online meal.

2012:

North Korea’s Kim Jong-un executes several members of his government. Judging by his haircut, he killed all the barbers as well.

2013:

“The Twerk Heard ’Round the World”: Miley Cyrus performs at MTV Music Awards.

2014:

The Seattle Seahawks beat Denver 43–8, thanks to the most dominant performance in Super Bowl history.

2015:

Seahawks lose to New England in the final seconds, thanks to the worst play call in Super Bowl history.

2016:

Donald Trump defeats Hillary Clinton. (Insert your own joke here.)

2017:

Millennials across the globe spend millions of hours attempting to explain Bitcoin to their parents. (“You mean it’s not real coin? I don’t get it.”)

20 YEARS OF HEADLINES

20 YEARS OF HEADLINES

Mostly true news stories from the last two decades:

Mostly true news stories from the last two decades:

1998:

Betti Fujikado and Jim Copacino launch Copacino+Fujikado. Critics hail it as “The Titanic of Advertising.” (We think they meant the film, not the ship.)

1999:

Y2K prompts a needless worldwide freak-out. (Sadly, Resident Evil 3 was still available online on January 1, 2000.)

2000:

Internet stock boom fizzles. Thousands of investors trade in their Mercedes-Benzes for city buses.

2001:

Mexican drug lord “El Chapo” escapes from prison near Guadalajara by bribing guards and hiding in a laundry cart. He was captured days later, spinning helplessly in a coin-operated dryer.

2002:

Jennifer Lopez and Ben Affleck pledge undying love for one another. In Hollywood years, that was exactly 18 months.

2003:

U.S. Department of Homeland Security officially begins operations. Fifteen years later, people still think they can pack shampoo in their carry-on luggage.

2004:

CBS reports systematic torture of Iraqi prisoners in Abu Ghraib prison—including incessant exposure to Mariah Carey’s “All I Want for Christmas Is You.”

2005:

Cardinal Joseph Ratzinger is elected pope, taking the name Benedict XVI—though his first choice was Pope Joe the First.

2006:

Referees defeat Seahawks in Seattle’s first-ever Super Bowl appearance.

2007:

Apple introduces the iPhone, effectively ending family dinner conversations the world over.

2008:

Barack Obama defeats John McCain in presidential election, successfully launching Sarah Palin’s cable news career.

2009:

Sully Sullenberger safely lands US Airways Flight 1549 in the Hudson River minutes after takeoff. Frequent flyers complained they were only credited two air miles for the flight.

2010:

The world witnesses the spectacular eruption of the Eyjafjallajökull volcano in Iceland—though not a single TV news commentator attempts to pronounce “Eyjafjallajökull.”

2011:

Richard Branson introduces the first commercial spaceport in the United States. Travelers to Mars will be allowed one free checked bag and can purchase an online meal.

2012:

North Korea’s Kim Jong-un executes several members of his government. Judging by his haircut, he killed all the barbers as well.

2013:

“The Twerk Heard ’Round the World”: Miley Cyrus performs at MTV Music Awards.

2014:

The Seattle Seahawks beat Denver 43–8, thanks to the most dominant performance in Super Bowl history.

2015:

Seahawks lose to New England in the final seconds, thanks to the worst play call in Super Bowl history.

2016:

Donald Trump defeats Hillary Clinton. (Insert your own joke here.)

2017:

Millennials across the globe spend millions of hours attempting to explain Bitcoin to their parents. (“You mean it’s not real coin? I don’t get it.”)